I hate indecision–the mind spinning like a top, touching on this possibility, then that one. It drains one’s energy, and then with less energy it become harder to focus. The mind goes back and forth—I could choose this—but that might have a better outcome. Which to choose?
There is the feeling that the wrong choice is life-threatening; all that you desire will be out of reach if you choose wrong. Whereas if you choose right, you will have your heart’s desire.
This is the siren call of the ego, which lives in that unreal world of thought. This is the illusion of being in control. The belief is If I take the right turn I will get success; if I take the left turn I will get disaster. It is up to me, my choice will determine my life so I better make the right one.
I asked my spiritual teacher Baba Hari Dass, the silent monk of Mount Madonna Center, how he chose to create that big, thriving yoga center many years ago.
That day I was wondering if I had made some right choices in my past. And whether I should make some changes. I wondered how he made his decisions.
He laughed, and told me the story of how he got from India to California and the Center. He had been a yogi since the age of 10 when he ran away from home to live in a yoga ashram in India. He took a vow of silence in his 30’s. In his 50’s he was the right hand of a famous head of an ashram in northern India. He was the senior teacher as well as bookkeeper, architect, carpenter, and rock-wall designer.
One day he discovered that the head of the ashram had been acting against his vows, in secrecy. That day Babaji wrote to me, “I was very angry. I left the next day with 2 rupees (probably around a dollar) and a begging bowl. After wandering for a year some people from California found me and asked me to come to the US. I went. Then a few years later a center was needed, so money was raised. Then there were a lot of children so a school was needed. Then more people came so a bigger building was needed.”
He stopped and looked at me.
“So you never made a decision to come to the US and build a big center?” He nodded yes.
He continued: “Your path is what you see in retrospect; you see where you have been and that is your path. You can’t see it ahead. Each step you make is part of your path.”
After speaking with Babaji I realized that there are no wrong or right decisions, just learning experiences. I was okay, I was on my path, I had not made a big mistake.
Eckhart Tolle says: “Accept—then act. Whatever the present moment contains, accept it as if you had chosen it. Always work with it, not against it…This will miraculously transform your whole life.”
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